Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Why Are We So Fat? I Have a Theory

So, today I'm reading an article on Yahoo about how so many of us are becoming so incredibly fat that we are costing billions of dollars in health care and billions of dollars in modifications to toilets and bus seats and benches and anything else we sit our fat asses on. The toilet part was kind of interesting, toilets that used to hang on the wall have to be replaced with toilets that sit on the floor because so many were being torn off the wall by the incredibly big butts that were sitting on them, and wouldn't you pay to see that happening?

Anyway, apparently we are not only fat but downright obese and it's an epidemic.

The article did mention that the ratio of fatties to skinnies really hasn't changed since 1961 (coincidentally about the time that McDonalds started popping up on every corner) with something like 33% of the population in America being overweight in 1961 and 34% being overweight now. So, one third of the population of America has always been fat, at least since 1961. But, apparently instead of just being overweight we are now dangerously obese, with the total weight of us overweight people being much greater. And we are breaking wall hung toilets all over the place.

Now, not all overweight people stuff their faces all day long, many eat the same amount and types of food as a thin person, get the same amount of exercise, and no matter what they do just stay fat. To lose weight they have to restrict their food so much that they are constantly hungry (and really really cranky) and gain any weight lost right back as soon as they go back to eating the same amount of food that a skinny person eats.  Because some people are naturally thin and some people are naturally fat. Just like some are blonde and some are brunettes, some are smart and some are stupid, some have blue eyes and some have brown. It's genetics, people!

So why are some of us programmed to be overweight? Well, here is where my theory comes in. Humans haven't always had a McDonald's on every corner, food was plentiful in good harvest or hunting years, not so plentiful in times of drought and famine. So, nature and evolution got together and decided that some people would naturally store more of their food as fat on their bodies so that in those times of famine not everyone would starve to death, the fat people would survive longer on their fat stores. Survival of the fittest (or fattest as the case may be).

I'm sure some scientist or recipient of a huge government grant to study stupid things has already come up with this theory and it's nothing new, but it makes sense to me and now all of you fatties who can't seem to lose weight no matter what you do can feel a little better about yourself knowing that IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!

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