So, apparently we have 'fly season' around these parts and this year fly season is particularly bad. They are not just annoying you in the Walmart McDonalds, but hanging around your front porch every day. Either that or all the McDonalds flies followed me home.
We would really like to enjoy our front porch, with the new glider and the new flowers and the view of the house across the street, but every time you sit outside it's like you are raw meat and the flies really want to eat you. Vomit on you first so your flesh will liquefy and then suck you up.
What to do? Fly strips are cheap but apparently don't work outside because it says right on the box not to put in direct sunlight and hey, it's sunny outside, and they have fly spray bug bombs but again, those are for inside and how disgusting if your house is so infested with flies that you have to use a bug bomb anyway, and citronella candles sound good but you can't leave them burning if you're not outside because that's what it says on the label, not to be left unattended.
I go over to Walmart to see what they have in the pest control section and everybody else must be having the same problem because the only thing left on the shelf for flies is one lonely 'fly stick'. You are supposed to hang this thing up outside, put a little honey in the bottom (because remember what Grandma said, you catch a lot more flies with honey than with vinegar) and wait for the flies to be attracted to it and stick their little selves permanently onto it. It tells you not to touch the sticky part because then you will be stuck to it and have to go around all day with a fly stick stuck to your hand. Very inconvenient except I guess you could just wave your hand around and maybe the flies would stick to the stick that is stuck to your hand.
So this is what the miracle fly stick looks like.
It has pictures of flies on it, I'm guessing so that the flies will see the pictures of flies and be more attracted to it and go join their brethren on the fly stick.
But, one problem. This has been hanging up for three days now and do you see any flies stuck to it?
No? Me, either. Maybe our flies are just too smart and know that it is all a trick.