Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Unwanted Facial Hair

Today I'm going to talk about something that embarrasses every woman who suffers from it. Unwanted facial hair. Or just plain old facial hair. All of the magazine ads for hair removal stuff call it unwanted facial hair, like there is any facial hair that women want. Well, I guess we want our eyebrows and that's facial hair after all.

Anyway, after a little googling, it seems that anywhere from 10-25% of women have facial hair that they are desperate to get rid of, but it's a problem that no woman really wants to admit that they have. Because women with facial hair are considered to be freaks of nature and really do belong in a side show at the circus right alongside the fat lady and flipper boy. And the guy who bites heads off of chickens. And the six legged calf.


Well, I am going to come out of my bathroom where I deal with unwanted facial hair on a daily basis and be the first to shout it out to the world. I HAVE UNWANTED FACIAL HAIR! Like millions of other dark haired women in the world, hair grows where I don't want it to. You nordic blondes out there can just be thankful that your body hair is so light that you don't even have to shave your legs, much less worry about facial hair. Because you don't have any.

I've had it since the onset of puberty, which according to my half ass research, is where the problem begins for a lot of women. It can also be caused by: menopause, hirsutism (google it), hormonal imbalance, some medications, overproduction of male hormones (androgens), polycystic ovary syndrome, cushing's syndrome, and aging.

Yes, it gets worse as you get older. What might be just dark hair above your upper lip as a teen evolves into something not unlike the above photo after menopause hits.

It's something that nobody ever talks about, something that you deal with in the privacy of your own bathroom with the door shut because you really don't want someone else in your household to see you plucking those errant hairs or sitting there with bleaching cream above your upper lip. Women these days will talk about having their vaginas waxed but not their moustache. You can buy depilatories and waxes and creams at the drug store but you are embarrassed when the cashier is ringing them up because you just know that she will be telling all of the other cashiers about the hairy lady who just came through her checkout line.

Or you could go to the nail salon where they also offer facial waxing and then you know that all of the nail salon ladies will be telling all of the other nail salon ladies about the freaky hairy woman who just had her upper lip waxed. They won't even wait until you leave because they'll be speaking in Korean.

So, what works to get rid of that facial hair?

Bleach? Yes, if you want stinky chemicals on your face, it does make the hair lighter. But it's still there.
Home waxing? It works but is painful and then you have to wait for the hair to grow back in before you can wax again.
Depilatories? These work but they can burn your skin, which I found out the hard way. I'm talking painful burns that then scab over. Much more noticeable than the hair, actually.
Tweezers? Good solution but only if you have about 5 hours to spare because if you have a lot of hair, that's a lot of tweezing.
Shaving? Why is it that it's okay for women to shave their legs and underarms but the thought of a woman shaving her face is just wrong and creepy and OMG you shave your face!?! This works, but you have to do it every day unless you want to have that 5 o'clock shadow and stubble and all that.

If you are rich I'm sure there is laser hair removal or electrolysis or something that will get rid of the hair for good, but most of us are not rich and really need what money we have for bills and groceries, not hair removal, so...

I did try Nads sugar hair removal once. It doesn't work very well, and if you put the Nads container in your bathroom drawer ants will find it.

What got me onto this subject anyway? Well, yesterday I was getting ready to go to the dentist for my deep cleaning and was trying to get rid of the facial hair before I went because I didn't want the hygienist to tell all the other hygienists about the freaky bearded lady that came in for her cleaning.

2 comments:

DancingMooney ♥ said...

*sigh* I've got it too... and my mom has it worse than me so I can't say I look forward to it getting worse as I get older, but it already has... I find home waxing inexpensive, but not a perfect solution... I might try a salon one of these days to see if it actually stays gone longer than the cheap home kits, but I'm too cheap for that. haha. :)

Heather on Meerkat said...

The salon ladies talking about you in Korean - HA HA HA. So true.