Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I Am

The. Worst. Human. On. The. Planet.

I feel horrible. The cats that I had to stop feeding are at my door every morning and every afternoon and sometimes in between waiting waiting waiting for some food. I am a prisoner in my own home because I can't stand to go outside and hear them crying. I'm hoping that they will give up soon, but every day they are outside waiting waiting waiting. And crying.

And then last night Keith gave them a handful of food because he wants them to keep coming around so that we can trap them. I yelled at him. DON'T DO THAT!

I am hoping that they will travel the neighborhood and find some other sucker for stray cats who will feed them or find some backyard with bowls of dog food laying around or even find a mouse or catch a bird. Not that I've ever seen mice around here. But there are lots of birds. Because I really don't want to trap them and take them to the pound, but if we don't they soon will produce more stray cats, so I'm hoping that they will just move on to greener pastures.

And then last night we are at the table eating dinner and the cats are all at the back sliding door pawing at it because little kittens are on the other side of the door staring in at us. And meowing. Because they see that we are eating. Food. It's really hard to enjoy your dinner when hungry eyes are staring in at you. Sad little kitten hungry eyes. Damn.

So I feel terrible. Horrible. Awful. Cruel. Rotten. Mean.


PussDaddy said...

I found myself in the same situation in Cali. geelizzie. Feeding the strays, so I know how you feel. I did grab one of them with a bad eyeball blind in one eye and bring here to Omahah with me when I left Cali. She would always be at my sliding glass door eyeballing my cats thru the screendoor, and she was so ugly people would shoo her away. I was ready to walk out of the empty apartment and there she sat on the patio looking at me. I knew she would starve or get mistreated so I scooped her up and brought her with me and made her our cat. She ended up only spending two or three years with us and died of liver failure but at least she had a family and someone cared if she lived or died.

When we got to Omaha we decided not to start the feeding the strays thing as it was so expensive and never ending so we didn't.


CapriciousCat said...

I know what you're going through too, except I don' have your resolve. I've rescued three feral kittens, and I'm trying to domesticate them. I live in a five-room apartment, and I've already got three cats (two are former strays), but I just couldn't bear seeing them out in the snow and cold, scrambling for food and shelter any longer. I live in Montreal, Canada, and it's not a lot of fun in winter, believe me. I will eventually have to trap their mother so that she can be neutered--hopefully, I can do that in the spring before she has another litter of babies.

So far, the kittens hate me, they're noisy and dirty and hide whenever I go into their room...but it's only been a few weeks, and I'm patient. I guess this is as close as I'm going to get to running a shelter of my own, unless I can manage to crawl out from below the poverty line one of these days!

My heart breaks every time I see a stray, and I couldn't handle what you're going through. I hope it works out somehow.